Graduation Day

It’s my graduation day tomorrow for completing the Master of Commercial Law at Monash University, a degree that caters to graduates in disciplines other than law. Well, I must admit that I do have a few degrees in other disciplines – an undergraduate degree in Development Communication, a Master’s degree in Communications Research and an MBA. After the MBA I could have gone to complete a PhD, however there was something about studying law that intrigued me.

It took me about three years to complete this degree on a part-time basis. All of my Postgrad degree’s I did take as part-time as I can never justify to myself doing it full time. I like the idea of making money first by having a full time job, then the study comes in as an ‘extra’ thing to do that will satisfy my need for intellectual stimulation. But it was a lot of hard work. I study at night and during the weekends, after I have done the house chores. Torture it was – especially during exams with days of having a couple of hours of sleep was sanctity. And I do think this was also a major cause for a relationship breakdown. I barely had time for myself, let alone focus on others needs.

Thinking about it now on the reasons why I did the Law degree – I think my initial reaction then was that the workplace, at that time, was not engaging enough for me that I have lost interest in even learning new things and I needed some robust and intellectual discussion with depth – and I can’t find anyone in the workplace to have that discussion. Also I thought that perhaps I can prove to some Aussies (I have migrated here to Australia from Southeast Asia) that I can actually get into one of the best law schools in Melbourne and be very good at it. I still remember I was in a work meeting and someone asked how I got into Law school – to which I answered “I just applied. It was easy for me though – academically and experience wise – they wanted me in the program. Probably with you it will be hard!” or something to that effect.

I often dismiss the fact that I was studying law and racking up high distinctions, but there are situations whereby I shamelessly slapped that line to a few condescending individuals at work and at times socially when I’m in a group of ego-driven people. What a blissful experience when I get to say that.

Why I love school is that it is a great place to get validation. I get to be assessed whether I am good at understanding something or I totally suck! And there is no need to be very good at sucking up or brown-nosing and be buddy with someone totally abhorrent. To me that is harder work.

This degree I really would like to dedicate to PG. Thank you for allowing me to pursue this and for keeping up with everything.

Go with the flow… but take it slow…

Your horoscope for October 21, 2010 -  You will have a day of profound reflection, Isay. While you may be tempted to look back and think about how far you have come in the last months, your time would be better spent thinking about what the future has in store for you. You have entered a period of rethinking both your identity and your objectives. These are not small changes. You will need every ounce of energy at your disposal to make it through this time of transition.

I love my horoscope today and I think it sums really well what I have been going through in the last month  – a period of rethinking my identity and my objectives. In December 2009 I knew then that my focus for 2010 is to lie low and just operate under the radar. I wanted to rest for a while – rest from the hassle of busyness in all aspects of life. I really just wanted to support people around me and let them be in the spotlight. The operative word was ‘to rest’. But then circumstance change and I had to deal with it. It’s almost like the universe is telling me – it’s so not me to just rest. Hence the last two quarters of the year were assiduous – just the opposite of my set intention!

Believing in the power of a balanced mind/self, I think that October has been a month of introspection. Apart from I have been very busy reviewing for my exams, my time is interspersed with thinking deep thoughts about life in general. Sometimes I amaze myself with my ability to just sit for an hour just thinking and using this time for deliberate creation.

This October I felt the need to regroup – to re-organise my thoughts for renewed effort. There were things I planned/said/offered in the past that suddenly prompted me to re-think again whether that make sense. I asked myself “Is that really what I want? Is that my heart’s desire?” Well, it seems like a great idea at that time! I’m not saying that I will renege from my commitments, I suppose I just wanted comfort that my actions are in alignment with my source.

This is when I have to remind myself to go with the flow but to take it slow. Take the time to rethink seriously – after all these are not small changes. This transition becomes more critical as I want to deliberately create things in my life that will give me my heart’s desire. Going with the flow sometimes can be hard because of the need to have control of things. But then again, the more I attempt to control things the more restraint I create and hence resistance. This leads to more pain and manifests in many different ways – oftentimes very awkward and uncomfortable. I suppose I have to go with the flow having faith that ‘all will be well’.

In terms of taking it slow – this is often not my quality. I acknowledge that I am a very abrupt person, quick to judge and make decision. Nevertheless, I know that there are certain things in life that often require ‘taking it slow’. The premise being that taking it slow helps me to appreciate the moment – the power of now. Everything becomes so instant in life that I often fail to appreciate the details. If only I start taking things slow. So the other day whilst spending time with PG and the pets at home I decided that during break time (I was meant to study the whole day) I will go out to the garden and appreciate nature. PG has done wonderful things in the garden and it is indeed magnificent. Suddenly the courtyard outside the office/library looked like a different place altogether – the fish pond, the sun lounger, the bamboo trees – all tie the place and make it a perfect sanctuary.

A few days more until end of October and this period of transition is indeed a welcoming phase to regroup.